my sisters under your porch take her home
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
