Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
