I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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