Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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