What did we do last night that was yellow?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
