i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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