didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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