Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Randomize
