The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
