I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
