Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
