Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
