Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
