ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
