Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize