He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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