During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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