you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
