My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my being single is dangerous.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
