you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
