In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
