We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
