evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
