So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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