So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
