if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
