SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
