I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize