Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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