grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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