please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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