If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize