Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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