Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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