Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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