some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
