I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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