dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
