I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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