Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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