I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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