then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want nice things and good sex
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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