I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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