god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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