guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
