Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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