The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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