He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
being pregnant is like rehab
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
