Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
