i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
