I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
