So many bounce houses so little time
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
