Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
