Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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