so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
