Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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