I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
