I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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