no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
