I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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