Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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