i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
