i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
