I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
