Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
