Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
