When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
