I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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