Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize