I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
