'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
