are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
