I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Michael Bay diarrhea
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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