Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
