there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
