just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
