Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
